Are you a woman in her 40s who’s just so confused with today’s dating scene and everything you find there?

Would you like to meet normal people and build nice harmonious relationships with them? I bet you do like most of us in this age range want. 

We crave a real connection, yet we have the impression that the real thing is almost inexistent. And to be fair, we’re still young to have fun and good sex, too, but too old to get ourselves into too complicated stuff. Right!

All this is just overwhelming! New dating guidelines, adapting to Tinder and Co techniques, new ways of communicating – gifs, emojis, memes, dick picks… On top of that, if you met him online you don’t even know if he’s really answering or he’s generating his answers in chat GPT. People don’t try anymore, they just switch to someone else, because online – freaking – dating gives us the impression that we have a choice, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Also, men don’t approach anymore. Dang, now we have to stay feminine but take their masculine role and make the first move. It’s not enough anymore to give him a look and expect him to approach. No, even on Bumble women are the first to send messages. How charming dating life became. 

And we knew a different era where everything was simpler. If we liked each other, we would get together, and if things went wrong we would try to repair relationships instead of changing partners endlessly. 

However, we can’t go back, times have changed and we have two options: To adapt or to suffer even more. As a dating expert and transformation coach in her 40s, I have come up with a few simple yet important rules we should keep in mind when dating. 

    1. Keep your standards high

You’ll hear people saying that our sexual value drops with age, therfore we should lower our standards. Let’s be clear here, our sexual value drops only when it comes to making babies. Because we’re not that fertile anymore, and that’s the fact. But we’re certainly not on a dating scene for that. Most of us are done with diapers and sleepless nights because of babies’ cries. I had to be precise here because we’re still in for sleepless nights when it comes to activities we really enjoy, especially when those activities include a man in shape. We understand each other ladies. Right!?

So, if you still want an honest, respectful, loving man with integrity, you should never lower those standards. You might readjust some of those standards to be more realistic. And what I mean here is that his height or eye color shouldn’t really play a huge role when choosing the one. We’re old enough to understand that his values and what he brings to the table are way more important than him having blue eyes. 

Therefore, keep your standards high and don’t let the media make you believe you’re less valuable because of your age. 

    2. Don’t get stuck on older guys

Yeah, I was stuck on older guys as well. Almost all of my partners were a lot older than me. Dating someone my age, or younger was nowhere in my plans until I hit 40. Then I changed those plans. 

And you know what? That was the best plan change when it comes to dating. 

With this small change, I discovered my 40s to be the best age to date everyone from 20 to 60. No, there’s no typo here. You’ve read it right. 

Trust me there’s no other age that gives that many opportunities in the dating pool than the 40s. So yeah, we’re in luck, sis. 

Where are all those who claim that our sexual value drops? Ha?!

Now let’s cover if it feels strange to go for a drink with a 23-year-old boy? It does. At first. But then you realize, how fun and refreshing it can be. 

Let me remind you of all the benefits of dating younger guys:

They’re more fun to be around, and they’re full of energy – in every sense of the word. Ok! They’re in for all kinds of activities, they don’t have pain in the hip, or high blood pressure. They can go for a hike or dance all night without you worrying of not having a first aid course done. 

Younger guys mostly don’t have heavy problems, like ex-wives and kids, a company that’s losing clients, or similar. Therefore their minds are more relaxed and carefree. And the cherry on the top, as one of my friends said, they smell differently – which is so true. 

The best part of dating younger guys is that most of them love being around older women. Because we’re too busy to bother them with texting, calling, and some kinds of expectations. We’re full of unexploited energy which combined with our experience looks like heaven to them. We can teach them, guide them support them differently than anyone else in their surrounding. 

So, we’re both winners in this. 

Now moralists would say that this is wrong, but I couldn’t care less about the opinions of others. Another advantage of being a woman in my 40s is not giving a fu*k about what others think.

But there are two tricky things about dating younger guys:

• Knowing when to let them go. We have to be conscious that twenty years younger guys are not there to stay. Even if… 
• Always having condoms on hand. One, because they can go all the time. And two, because they can go all the time and you never know who they might be poking before they came to you. 

So, all in all, don’t limit yourself. Explore fully the dating scene. You’ll be surprised by what you’ll find there and how your tastes could change. 

    3. Be clear 

Dating by itself is complicated enough these days, and it gets even more complicated if we’re not clear, first with what we really want, then with communicating it to others. So, whether you’re dating a younger or an older guy, always be very clear with what you are searching for and what your expectations are, because:

• People can’t read our minds and miraculously behave as we want and need, and
• You don’t have time to waste on those who are not a good match for you. 

So, find out what you want and say it out loud. You can even mention it in your Tinder bio, why not. 

    4. Live your best life without waiting for a man to make it better

We all strive to live happier more fulfilling lives, right? The good thing about being in our 40s is that we finally know what we like and what we dislike. What we want and don’t want. What makes us happy and what makes us frustrated. Who can know these things better than us? No-freaking-one! Then why do we try to find someone who’ll fulfill our needs and likes, and make us happier? Because we think that happiness and fulfillment are to be found outside of ourselves. But, as a good old friend who’s not there to bullsh*t you, I’ll break your limiting beliefs and tell you that happiness starts from the inside. 

Use the knowledge that you gathered throughout the years, about life and yourself and do something about it. Start building an environment for yourself, by yourself in which you’ll thrive. Explore your passions, learn to be alone, and learn to enjoy it. And give yourself everything that you would expect from a man to give you. 

In the past I was the one who expected a man to bring me happiness, to save me from my misery, to be my support, a source of well-being, and protection from all the responsibilities. And the happy life actually never happened. The only thing that happened was that I was miserable in all my relationships. Then in 2018 when I had a final breakdown and the biggest crisis of my life, I decided to start relying on myself and being the source of my happiness. And guess what?! 

That was the best thing I could do for myself. 

Since I started taking responsibility for my well-being and started building a better living for myself, I became the happiest and the best version of myself that I’ve ever been. And on top of that, I started attracting way better guys in my life. How cool is that?! 

So, my beautiful lady, stop relying on others to bring into your life that you owe to yourself. Build the life you like, enjoy it, and watch the magic of attracting better opportunities, effortlessly come your way.

    5. Don’t rush into something just cause it’s available

This is the extension of all the previous subtitles. So let’s wrap it up:

When we think that happiness and fulfillment are coming from the outside of ourselves, we doubt our age and think we have a lack of opportunities because of that, we might start lowering our standards and start taking just anything because it’s better than nothing. Or this guy wants us and nobody else did. Or you feel just too tired of searching and too lonely, so you settle. 

This is called a slow death, sis. 

Remember you’re in the best phase of your life, you have to enjoy it. Now. Because we’re not getting any younger. In a few years, you’ll look back and regret that you settled for less and you’ll clearly see how wrong you were. But maybe it’s gonna be too late.

So don’t settle for anything but for what’s best for you, for what makes you happier. Not for what makes you less lonely. Or even worse, for what you think that makes you look better in the eyes of others. Don’t settle for what is available, only because it is available. All kinds of garbage are on hand and free, but nobody wants it.  

    6. Relax, be playful, and have fun

Nothing is bad or good by itself;  what makes it good or bad is the meaning we attach to it. 

Singleness is valuable from the perspective of a woman who found herself in an abusive relationship and she can’t find the way out. And it’s hell for traditional parents to whom it’s shameful that a daughter is not married. Because what the village’s gonna say? 

Life is too short, sis. And too valuable to waste it. We still have a few years ahead, so let’s make the best out of it. 

My friendly advice is to not take life and dating too seriously. Relax, be playful, and have fun until you find the one.